It’s beginning to look like panic

What kind of an idiot closes a house deal, and negotiates another legal deal, while planning the final stages of a wedding right in the middle of Christmas? Oh ya, this one!

Oy, it’s been stressful. And to top it all off, the french bulldog has pneumonia and while I was waiting for her x-ray results, the salon cancelled my wedding highlights appointment in spite of the fact that I called to let them know what was going on.

I have had two mini-panic attacks. I don’t have them often but I’ve had them enough to know what to do (try to breathe) and what not to do (anything else.) Luckily I can stave off major ones by paying attention to my breathing and then embarking on some radical self-care.

Anxiety is the worst thing I face and I’ve faced some pretty terrible stuff. When I have a panic attack, the bad stuff all comes flooding back. It’s like watching a Lifetime womjep movie on fast forward while attempting to hold your breath under water. I have to keep reminding myself that it’s just a memory: it’s no longer real.

I spent many years trying to avoid my anxiety, but to steal the wise words of Will and Grace’s Karen, “It’s not something you can just run away from like a hotel bill or a crying baby….” It’s with me to stay.

Some people ask me what anxiety feels like. It feels like being kept awake for three days, drinking 100 cans of Red Bull, and then having someone pop a balloon in your face. It feels like dozens of tiny hyperactive monkeys running up and down your spine.

They say it has a purpose: it’s what kept us safe when the beasts were chasing our ancestors through the wild. It let us run faster and climb higher and kept the species alive. Only we don’t need that any more. At least not all the time.

Tell that to my brain.

So I yoga, I Sona, I reiki, I aromatherapy, I work out, I read, I have hour long baths. I read the how tos. I write the how tos. And it all helps. But it’s not a cure all.

Thank the good Lord, I’m still able to sleep.

I need a steady diet of my Ladies of London and RHOBH, only the bloody Tivo keeps acting up.

These things are sent to try us…


  1. No wonder you were experiencing increased anxiety, Jen. Major life changes-all at once-can do that to a person. It sounds like you are doing all the right things. Here's to a fresh new year with good time for self-care. Got into the Ladies of London last weekend- great escape!! ;)Hugs,Heather


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